Playing Tourist In Gatlinburg

This weekend I had a rare treat: I got to play tourist in Gatlinburg!

Although we live less than an hour from the most visited national park in the nation, I rarely take the time to zip up to the mountains and enjoy the day - maybe I'll get there like once or twice a year. (I equate it to living in Sarasota and never making it to the beach.) In the foothills of the Smokies is Gatlinburg; a mecca for tourists interested in nature, but not actually brave enough to spend the night in the mountains. They visit for the day, then come to Gatlinburg and stay in a hotel with a pool for the night. And buy funnel cakes, taffy, cotton candy and apples.


Kristina has a conference there once a year, and the hotel where she stays had been recently bought and renovated. As a thank you for keeping their business through the renovation process she was given an invitation to the grand opening weekend and took me as her date!


At first it seemed too good to be true: two nights in a fancy hotel (free), breakfasts, cocktails, receptions and fancy dinners (free) and a choice of what we liked to do for the day on Saturday (again, free). Tommy was convinced we were going to have to listen to a two hour lecture on time shares, but we didn't!


We get to our free hotel and get ready for the evening. First, Kristina unpacks!

everything neatly in its place

She tried to talk me into unpacking, so I did this:

i unpacked by cramming my bags out of sight between the bed and the wall

We finish "unpacking" and head out to the reception.

pretty kristina and pretty megan out for a night on the town

Oh yeah, downside of convention-type meetings?

NAMETAGS. this does NOT go with my outfit, yo...

And it took me all two days to get used to the glass elevators. By the time I could stand at the glass and watch as the elevator took me up and down it was time to go home.

glass elevators are scary!

And we were almost at the top floor! I had to brave that ride often!

i closed my eyes, held really tight on my camera, stuck my arm over the rail and took this pic down to the bottom of the hotel!

And despite the fact that it was a fancy new hotel that was opening, I was pleased to see they remembered their audience and know their roots:

yup. that's what you think it is. i did *not* have any. (mama, i DIDN'T!!!)

The next morning I got up bright and early and went for a nice run! I have this nice, fancy new app on my phone called Run Monster that tells me where I am, how far I've run, how many calories I've burned, and records it all so I can track my progress. I bought a new exercise armband for my phone and was all excited about running in the GSMNP but two whoopsies occurred: a) there were no sidewalks in the "Motor Drive" leading into the park and I was worried I would get creamed by a car so I turned back and ran on the sidewalks in Gatlinburg, and b) I neglected to turn on the app until I was over halfway through with my run. Siiiighh. It was nice anyway!


I got back to the hotel all stinkola and was in the bathroom trying to turn on the shower, and couldn't get it to work. I wrapped up in a towel and asked Kristina to try to turn on the water... no success. I was beginning to think that the renovation process left a little something to be desired and called the front desk to request service - it turns out a water main burst and the whole city was without water! Whew - I was beginning to feel bad for the Park Vista Hotel and their opening weekend.


Soooo... what to do, what to do... sweaty and naked in a towel, thirsty for some water and Kristina wanted coffee. No water in the room; i.e., no water for me, no coffee for Ki. Kristina comes up with the brilliant beyond brilliant idea of going for a dip in the pool while we waited for the water to come back on, and go by the restaurant and beg water and coffee without wasting our breakfast vouchers because hey! There's no water and coffee in the room!


The plan comes off without a hitch (with the exception of: if there's no water in the ROOM, there's no water in the KITCHEN. We suck down about a gallon of cranberry juice instead and hit the pool).


I had made a preemptive move by packing a swim suit because I really did think the offer of free entertainment for the day *may* prove too good to be true (it wasn't; more on that later) and thought if nothing else, we could sit and catch rays by the pool in any event. When Kristina informed me that yes, there was a pool I was totally bummed because she also told me it was indoors. What's the point of an INDOOR pool?


Um.... this:

epic water slide wrapped around a fake tree. i didn't bring my camera that morning expecting to be super underwhelmed by the lame-o indoor pool, but the pool was so fun we went back that night to go down the slide a zillion times and i took the pics then.

me water sliding. i seriously went down this slide about one hundred times.

kristina's legs water sliding. she's far more adept at taking action shots than i am - i think i made her go up and down the water slide about five times and this was the best pic i took.

But look! I'm super good at the self-photos!!

this is actually taken as we go down the water slide together. god love you waterproof, shockproof camera.... (and thank you mr. smith! you know me better than i know myself!)

Wait, did someone say self-photo?

self photo back in the time line! here we are post-morning-no-water-in-the-room-plenty-in-the-awesome-indoor-pool dip. and may i please give a shout out to eternally primping prissy ki for: a) initiating the offer and following through with going to breakfast without a stitch of makeup on, b) wearing the same outfit without laundering it three times, c) wearing yourself out to the point you fall asleep without taking off your makeup and not caring the next morning, and d) not showering/making yourself up the morning we leave and going to breakfast AGAIN sans makeup because, e) you wanted to go for a run and what would be the point of showering pre-run? hm. i'm beginning to think i'm having an effect on you.

That or this was an impostor. I'm very proud of you, Kristina!


We eat and shower and head out for the day. It's a day full of Ripley's adventures! We ride the trolley out:

self photo crazy pic on the trolley ride over

And now.... self photos continue at... Ripley's Adventure Aquarium of the Smokies!!

self-photo with a saw-tooth shark

self photo in one of those tanks meant only for children to crawl in

self photo in the dark (hey, who turned out the lights???)

whew. self photo in the light with fishies behind.

self photo with a penguin in the penguin playhouse

Self photo PAUSE. Please peruse a montage of me being terrified:

terrified self photo in the jaws of a ginormous shark

terrified in the midst of ginormous crabs

i was brave enough to hold a sting ray in the gift shop... but still TERRIFYING!!! ahem... please take note of my adorable dress WITH POMPOM TRIM that i made myself..... thank you.

But I do brave embarrassment and crawl in places only meant for children (for a second time in less than an hour SORRY! no one told me not to wear a skirt)

i'm not about to miss out on penguin action just because i'm dress inappropriately

Moving on.... brave Kristina takes a photo of cuttlefish (nom nom nom, jk):

hiroshi tried to buy cuttlefish at kroger in west knoxville when we were in high school. they didn't sell any then or now.

Then brave brave BRAVE Kristina...

holds a crab. seriously. it freaked me out to stand there and take photos.

People ask why I don't ever ever ever swim in the ocean?

loooooooook! how cute! sharks!!! from above....

from below? frickin' teeth, yo.... please for the love of god, i never want to see this in real life...

Here's what I would look like if I were a brave sea-going creature:

glub glub glub!

Next up: something far less frightening on all accounts - the GIFT SHOP. Nothing intrigues us except...

sunglasses. do these not scream MEGAN? (who's met me, right?)

And...

do these not scream KRISTINA!!!!

We decide to compromise for yet another self photo and...

WE ARE FROM THE FUTURE. (kristina is from the sad future)

And now, lunchtime! We ate a late late late, huge huge huge breakfast. So we drank lunch.

'ritas a the no way jose restaurant

i am on VACATION, mama! the bartender looked at us with a suspicious eye when he saw that i was carrying kristina's id in my wallet (no purses in this epic, day-long adventure... no baggage!) when i explained to him that i was ordering my margarita without salt because my doctor said to limit my sodium intake in order to lower my blood pressure he believed we were over 21 and merely sharing cargo space. (sigh. REALLY? i got to roll out high blood pressure to convince you i'm +21? ok, i'll take it).

Next, Ripley's House of Mirrors!

they make you were gloves so as not to smudge the glass. kind of takes the romance out ifyouknowwhatimean....

But in any event, I get freaked out.

can you not see the mild look of quasi-i-have-no-idea-how-to-get-out-terror in my eyes? i call this my 'grin and bear it, don't freak out' look

Next, Ripley's Guinness Book of World Records!

ki and her new bf, the world's tallest man

me smooching my bf, the world's fattest man

Next, Ripley's Moving Theater

again, WE ARE FROM THE FUTURE. i love simulator rides, but upon hearing this 3-D adventure was TWENTY-FIVE minutes long i freaked a little. but survived! (slightly nauseous.)

After this, we try to enter Ripley's Believe it or Not! which I really wanted to see! Apparently... our tickets were good for only the aquarium plus three, and if you're counting correctly, we'd burned two of the three on the dumb mirrors and records. DANGIT. Who knew?

In any event, it got me out of Ripley's Haunted Adventure gracefully, WHEW. (seriously. I don't like haunted crap AT ALL.)

After a late breakfast and liquid lunch we had the munchies and so we went to a rooftop restaurant and:

ordered the low country boil

I really, really, REALLY love food you have to work for:

my messy hands after taking care of some low country boil. um and yum.

adorable and cute after taking care of some low country boil, howevs

NOW. No day in Gatlinburg would be complete without a few staples. Old timey photo was on the list!

Wait. Wait. Don't believe the old timey photo is a staple? Allow me to assure you...

it is. here i am in my first old timey photo as a saloon girl with nicole norton and wendy king (i'm sorry!!)

as seen before; hiroshi as an outlaw, clay as johnny reb, and me as saloon girl. WHAT DOES THIS SAY? no clue.

i can't even tell you where we WERE when we did this. opryland? maybe?

And lastly, I give you:

i am an outlaw and ki is a belle. watch out or i'll SMASH YOUR HEAD WITH MY WHISKEY BOTTLE.

Moving on to other Gatlinburg activities....


There's tube tops in Gatlinburg. And there's air brush. I have maligned both 'tube tops' and 'air brush' for going on four decades now... Until I got the idea to bring the two together.


Well.


It took four t-shirt shops to find a willing artist. Well. A willing artist with a tube top to air brush that is. (One owner said, 'We have tank tops with spaghetti straps! You can just cut off the straps!' The nerve. Who does he think he is talking to?)


I was about to give up the ghost when...

here is my new friend vicki (after a strategic and specific consult) air brushing the (literally, only) white tube top in gatlinburg with my name.

I love it so much. I have worn it twice already (once dirty) and it's now air drying in the laundry room for future wear. Um. It's awesome. I totally can take the two wrongs and make a right.

i love this shirt

Lastly;

here am i self photo'ing while ki takes a shower before our last night at our view. isn't it GORGEOUS?? (i need to go to the mountains more, btw...)

our last night they busted out all these cool ice sculptures. this is of a bear... (in the mountains... above... crab claws galore. i ignored the irony and ate myself silly on crab claws) (btw, i love crab claws...)

upon arrival from the pool (second trip, late at night) we found a CHOCOLATE BOX left in our room full of CHOCOLATES.

Park Vista Hotel knows how to treat the ladies RIGHT. Um and Yum. Thank you!!


Lastly, I give you this:

the indoor pool had the most interesting-colored philodendron i have ever seen. i... pinched off a bit to see if i could root it DONT'T TELL. it's a scientific experiment; here it is in our room the night before we leave. it's rooting now in a vase upstairs.

SHHH!!!


Thanks all for a fantabulous, epic, memorable weekend! I loved every moment!